i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
being pregnant is like rehab
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize