i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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