Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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