hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
