I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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