awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
