Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
