loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
