well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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