Sry I called you an 8
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
