everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
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She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
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She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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