you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
