well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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