This is not my ceiling
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
