I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
