Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Randomize
