i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
