I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
