you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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