just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
