I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think we might need a safe word for this...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
