my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
