Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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