I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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