Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize