Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
