He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
