CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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