i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
