Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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