16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
