Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
