so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
