no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
