your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
