I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
