my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
