batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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