Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
