I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
