I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
