You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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