WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
