ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Are we still banned from the library?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
