dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He felt like a one man threesome
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
