Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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