I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
