awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
