We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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