PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
