Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
