even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
