Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
