A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
