Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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