how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So vagazzling was a success
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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