I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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