all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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