I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
