Can i not drive my cunt home
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
