Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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