I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
