And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
