An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
