trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
