i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
