i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
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