I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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