I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
