I hate your face
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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