Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
the raccoons are back...
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