its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize