I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
no, he came in my armpit
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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