Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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