Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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