Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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