An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
