hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
This house was built for laser tag.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
