i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
