I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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