hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
