Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
