mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
